Which side are you on?

I’m scared.

Scared of the world we live in and the current climate with respect to sexual violence against women. This past year has impacted survivors in ways I’ll never be able to convey.

We are proud of ourselves for speaking up, for taking our voices back. Proud to know that because of women like us, Harvey Weinstein, will never hurt another soul or be able to abuse his power.

And he learned what happens in the dark will always come to light

In the next breath I’m sad and devastatingly broken. I say this because there are women that continue to support Donald Trump despite knowing how much of a sexual predator he is. Knowing his misogynistic views on women, his absurd views on equality yet willing to turn a blind eye. It hurts me to know this. It hurts me to know that some of our sisters are so delusional they’ll believe anything a man feeds them. The man was caught saying he grabbed women by the pussy, what more do you need?

I’ll never understand how a woman can rip another woman apart. In this day and age it’s so important to show women and children that if we stick together, nothing can stop us. Women face discrimination and harassment on a regular basis why would you want to be part of the problem?

If you’re not the oppressed, you’re the oppressor full stop.

How do we stop this? How do we as women move forward when even our sisters are trying to hold us back? Its a shame, really, because us women are fighting for all of you. For your rights. For your equality. We don’t care whether you believe us or not we just want to know that nobody has to suffer through what we did.

When women support other women, beautiful things happen. When women stay silent, they’re part of the problem. If you sit by while a man harasses a woman, if you shit all over a woman in front of a man, what do you think it does? It shows them that it’s okay. That we are willing to accept this. With Donald Trump in office men are more aggressive than ever. Now that men have witnessed a sexual predator climb to the highest office in power men speak and attack more openly. They no longer hide their disdain towards woman. They’ve been shown that it doesn’t matter if you commit sexual violence and it’s making men step out in ways they may never have before because they were waiting for a push.

In a world currently divided, I hope you’re on the right side. I hope you speak up for injustice and I hope you believe in your sisters as we’re doing this for all of you.

I love you. I miss you.

You would be so fucking proud of me. So proud. For speaking up. For taking my voice back. For finally fucking writing and not being afraid. I love you dearly because I know now that you said you were doing me a favour because you did not want to hurt me. Because we love each other dearly.

We are not equipped to love people. We are not equipped to share feelings without breaking down and we fear showing someone a side of us that in turn they won’t want to deal with. We hate to burden in fear of someone throwing in the towel. 

Our feelings are a carbon copy of how we feel inside and we feel everything the same way. I know this because I did the same thing to you. I prompted a conversation knowing it would push you away because I love you and didn’t want you to give up on me. You think you’re doing me less harm by staying away and in turn protecting yourself but know that we’re both hurting immensely.  

Unconditional love is knowing that you can and will do wrong because nobody is perfect. But love is about working through the bull shit. Trudging through those awful times to come out on top and celebrate the triumphs together.

I love you. I miss you. You gave me this strength. We aren’t friends but you told me I had a voice and you told me I could do anything, just like I tell you. Because we believe in each other. 

 So thank you from the bottom of my heart for being the person you are. We are perfectly imperfect and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I hope you’re well. I hope you find this strength and courage on your darkest of hours knowing I’m still in your corner and always will be. I miss you more than anything.  This is for you. For me. For all of us.

Have you ever?

I wonder, have you ever crossed the street because of a male approaching you? I wonder, have you ever put a hat and sunglasses on in hopes of less cat calling. I wonder, have you ever had a man ask you out then verbally assault you when you say no thank you. I wonder, have you ever been leered at like a piece of meat while walking down the street?  I wonder, do you think I like the attention? I wonder, do you know how uncomfortable it makes us? I wonder, have you ever walked alone at night while constantly checking your surroundings? I wonder, have you ever had to say “I’m in a relationship” because you didn’t want to get into an endless conversation of why you’re not interested? I wonder, have you ever had someone yell obscenities at you from a car? I wonder, have you ever had a man put his hand on you without your permission? I wonder, have you ever told someone you were harmed just to be called a liar? I wonder, have you ever been told to dress more conservative because you’re distracting? I wonder, have you ever been objectified just to have the blame placed on you? I wonder, have you ever had your self worth based purely on your appearance? I wonder, have you ever had someone tell you you’re wrong because of your gender? I wonder, have you ever been told “no” because of your gender? I wonder, have you been paid less because of your gender? I wonder, have you ever had someone feel entitled to objectify and criticize you? I wonder, have you ever been told to tone down the profanities because of your gender? 

I wonder, are you aware of the inequality? I wonder, do you think we’re asking too much? I wonder, do you think of your mother, your sister, your girlfriend or wife when you read this? I wonder, do you see the issues surrounding us? I wonder, is this the world we want to live in? I wonder, is this how we want to raise our children? 

Never conform

Alright people we’re a 3rd of the way through 2017, let’s try and educate ourselves on sexism. Quite frankly, it’s embarrassing. As humans we just ask to be treated equally.

You know those posts on Facebook you try to scroll past, but can’t help reading through the garbage fire? The ones that are so ridiculous you almost think it has to be there as click bait. Yeah, you know what I’m talking about. The small minded posts that are most commonly shared by small town friends who never grew up after high school.

Know this: I never feed into this shit. I like to think I have better things to do with my time than argue on the internet. But on Sunday morning, I did just that. Hear me out: only because this post is part of a much larger issue at hand.

Alright ladies were a 3rd of the way through 2017, let’s put the “duck face” and sharpie markers behind us, frankly I’m gonna say it, it’s not a good look and as a human we prefer a smile and less paint, not hatin just lookin out for my beauties

Woooow,” was my first thought as I continued scrolling. Five minutes later, I was still angry over what I read and scrolled back up. I respond mimicking the original post to show the irony:

Alright gentleman we’re a 3rd of the way through 2017, let’s retire the idea that women wear makeup for the sole purpose of appealing to men. It’s not a good look and as humans we prefer you keep your opinions to yourself

Why did I say this? Why was I so angry? Why was his post so toxic? I’ll tell you. He singled our gender out without reflecting on his own. He decided to collectively voice what he thought was everyone’s opinion without understanding how much of a walking contradiction he was. He decided he knew better than women.

Both men and women have been photographed with a duck face so why single out one gender? You will find women AND men wear makeup for many different reasons. Is appealing to men on that list? Perhaps. Should that automatically open up the door for your criticism and an urgency to stop because it’s not what turns you on? No. Absolutely not. Just because one individual isn’t attracted to that person or a certain trend, doesn’t mean someone else won’t be.

Would you tell a fat person, “I’m sorry, it’s not a good look. We as humans prefer someone small?

You wouldn’t; at least you shouldn’t. Because it’s rude. Understand, I’ve spent so much time hating the way I looked because I listened to others more than myself. If a man told me I wasn’t ‘a good look’, I believed them. Over time, that warped my perception. I thought that was all that mattered. I thought until I conformed to other people’s standards, I would never be beautiful, I would never be loved, and I would never be happy. Words are crippling and we throw them around so carelessly.

I sit here, urging you, to never conform to another person’s beauty standards. Do You Hear Me?

I wanted to tell this man, this man who thought his opinion was the be-all-end-all, that makeup is a form of self expression. It is self confidence, a lack of confidence and more. And you know what? We all have to start somewhere. I wonder, would you walk into the gym and shit on someone who was 300lbs lifting weights? No. Because they’re there trying to better themselves. So maybe we’re trying to better ourselves, maybe we’re a beginner, maybe we’re just trying something out. Regardless, nobody has the right to tell us to stop. Especially a man. We are much more than the makeup we wear and we’re not here just to be admired. We’re not an ornament you hang on your tree. We’re humans.

Alright people we’re a 3rd of the way through 2017, let’s try and educate ourselves on sexism. Quite frankly, it’s embarrassing. As humans we just ask to be treated equally.

Under the microscope

Today my weight was attacked by a man who must have been in his 50’s. Yes, you read that right. In his 50’s. My father’s age.  So bear with me for a minute.

Fat is a word that used to feel like a blow to the chest. It is a word that I’d pretend wouldn’t bother me, but overtime caused more psychological damage than  even I realized. It is a word that holds such power and can be so crippling and we throw it around like its nothing.

 Fact: We live in a world where women are constantly under the microscope for everything they do.

From the way we look to the way we carry ourselves. We also live in a world that tells you if you if you don’t fall into the social standards that you’re simply not good enough. You deserve less. This is the ideal woman and until you fit this criteria you must be striving to obtain it. Wrong.

Yes, I am fat. I am also smart, loving, kindhearted, strong, healthy and let’s not forget fucking hilarious. My weight holds no bearing on who I am as a person. It does not mean I deserve less, it does not mean I should accept whatever attention comes my way and it does not give you the right to throw it in my face like I should be ashamed.

I know this. But you know what? There are men, women and most importantly children that don’t. That think they’re not good enough simply because of the negative connotation attached to this word. Stop attacking people for their size. Whether it be a knee-jerk reaction to being pissed off or intentionally attacking someone it’s unacceptable. While you walk away unscathed the person you’ve insulted walks away carrying that with them.

This man knew damn well the power behind this word especially with women. He, like many others, went to it in a moment of weakness. Why? Because he believes that’s all that matters about a woman. It’s not. It never has, and it never should be.

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Always remember your friends are meant to lift you up, not put you down.