Which side are you on?

I’m scared.

Scared of the world we live in and the current climate with respect to sexual violence against women. This past year has impacted survivors in ways I’ll never be able to convey.

We are proud of ourselves for speaking up, for taking our voices back. Proud to know that because of women like us, Harvey Weinstein, will never hurt another soul or be able to abuse his power.

And he learned what happens in the dark will always come to light

In the next breath I’m sad and devastatingly broken. I say this because there are women that continue to support Donald Trump despite knowing how much of a sexual predator he is. Knowing his misogynistic views on women, his absurd views on equality yet willing to turn a blind eye. It hurts me to know this. It hurts me to know that some of our sisters are so delusional they’ll believe anything a man feeds them. The man was caught saying he grabbed women by the pussy, what more do you need?

I’ll never understand how a woman can rip another woman apart. In this day and age it’s so important to show women and children that if we stick together, nothing can stop us. Women face discrimination and harassment on a regular basis why would you want to be part of the problem?

If you’re not the oppressed, you’re the oppressor full stop.

How do we stop this? How do we as women move forward when even our sisters are trying to hold us back? Its a shame, really, because us women are fighting for all of you. For your rights. For your equality. We don’t care whether you believe us or not we just want to know that nobody has to suffer through what we did.

When women support other women, beautiful things happen. When women stay silent, they’re part of the problem. If you sit by while a man harasses a woman, if you shit all over a woman in front of a man, what do you think it does? It shows them that it’s okay. That we are willing to accept this. With Donald Trump in office men are more aggressive than ever. Now that men have witnessed a sexual predator climb to the highest office in power men speak and attack more openly. They no longer hide their disdain towards woman. They’ve been shown that it doesn’t matter if you commit sexual violence and it’s making men step out in ways they may never have before because they were waiting for a push.

In a world currently divided, I hope you’re on the right side. I hope you speak up for injustice and I hope you believe in your sisters as we’re doing this for all of you.

Advertisements

Awake

The nights I lay awake in bed, I wonder if I’m in your head. Do you miss me or even care? These are the thoughts I cannot bare. I hate to think you gave up on me, but now I know what I did not see.

There are days when I miss you so, but I understand friends come and go. We cannot help if we do not change, so I’m walking away no longer afraid. My past is draped in sadness and despair, but I refuse to say it’s not fair. We all have struggles that’s a fact, just remember you can always bounce back.

The nights I lay awake in bed, I’ll always remember what you said. I hope you’re happy, I hope you’re well when I think of you now my heart swells. Friendships come and friendships go, I hope you know I still love you so. I’m not angry or even sad I’m thankful for the times we had.

I’m not disappointed. I’m angry.

Because you told me I could depend on you.
Because you told me you would be here for me.
Because I told you I didn’t want your charity.
Because I told you I just want your honesty.
Because I still accepted you into my home.

Because I made plans with you.
Because I told you I didn’t want to make plans with you.
Because I told you I didn’t want to be let down again.
Because you assured me this time was different.
Because you told me people aren’t all bad.
Because you told me money doesn’t matter.
Because you told me what matters are friendships and relationships.
Because you told me I shouldn’t go through this alone.
Because I told you I cannot rely on people.
Because I told you I don’t care when I do.
Because I told you I feel empty inside.
Because I really feel too much.

Because I cannot gauge if a person is sincere.
Because I think everyone has an ulterior motive.
Because I wanted to figure out your angle.
Because I wanted to trust you.
Because I wanted you to be a genuine person.
Because I wanted to change your perception.
Because I wanted your acceptance.

Because I do not understand.
Because I let you see my vulnerability.
Because I cried on your shoulder.
Because I believed you when you said you cared.
Because I told my friends they were wrong about you.
Because I’m tired of being let down.
Because I’m done saying I understand.
Because my time is just as important.
Because I gave you an out.

Because why build someone up just to knock them the fuck down?

 

How did we get here

Silence is our biggest enemy. We fear it more than anything because that’s when we fall into the oblivion of our mind.

Maybe that’s why we were so good with each other. Maybe we just made it work to ease our minds for awhile. Maybe we were just there as a voice to drown out the suffocating thoughts. Maybe we treated each other as a means to a personal end. Maybe we didn’t care for each other at all. Maybe we just didn’t want to be alone with the thoughts inside our own head. Maybe we were true friends who were just too broken. Maybe we cared about each other too much.

 Or maybe, just maybe, I loved you and all of your broken pieces and you just didn’t love me and all of mine. 

Water your fuckin’ lawn

Our generation is unwilling to commit.

We are afraid to be vulnerable. In order to get someone’s attention, instead of starting a conversation- we ignore them. We play mind games. We want to appear as if we couldn’t care less in fear of caring too much. Weeks of dancing around the very idea of a relationship without ever labeling it a relationship. And the sad truth? In our minds, the person who cares less, they hold all the power.

I understand heartbreak, I understand trust issues and I understand being afraid of commitment. But this… I’ll never understand.

Rather than being with one person we like to entertain multiple people for a constant string of happiness. The advancements in technology have created a whole other level of narcissism. Our narcissistic ego’s are fed by constant likes, comments and retweets. The need for instant gratification couldn’t be in higher demand. We want what we want, when we want it. We don’t like to work for what we want because everything has always been readily available. If we can’t get it from person X we’ve got person Y and Z to hit up on the way home. The need for attention and affection can be met almost instantly with what’s available at our finger tips.

Social media is a funny thing. Being that almost anything is available at your finger tips you tend to forget what you already have in front of you. Relationships online look glamorous, jobs look appealing, people look happy. It’s a facade. A highlight reel. Know that with every perfect picture there were 50 takes to get that one. With every blog post there are countless revisions. With every illustration there are hours of work behind it. With every relationship there is bickering, disagreements and sometimes tears. Work. Effort. We forget that this is the driving force behind what is in front of us. That if we want our lawn to be greener than the neighbours, we have to fuckin’ water it.

Why am I talking about this you ask? Last week I received a message from an individual on social media trying to spark a conversation. Before responding I took a quick scroll through his page. I noticed a post of him being rather intimate with another woman and decided to look further. I click her name and see a week prior she had posted a  note that read “Happy anniversary! Thanks for always putting up with me, I love you. ”

I instantly felt sad for her.  They genuinely looked happy yet here he was searching for greener pastures.

The point of life is simple. Be happy with what you have while working towards what you want.

Instant gratification gets old. If you constantly compare, if you focus on how happy others are and what they have you will never be happy with what’s in front of you.